"This Isn't What I Signed Up For": A Public Servant's New Call of Duty

Comfort isn't an option.

Looking back at my time spent job hunting, I remember scanning through job descriptions, analyzing whether I was a good fit for their roles and responsibilities. It seemed so ordinary at the time, like sorting through a puzzle and getting excited when I felt like I was someone’s missing piece. I’d find one that matched my qualifications and passions and think, Wow! They’re writing this post for me.

In government agencies and departments at every level, I met people who seemed like they had a similar experience. They brought their full selves to the table and often felt very lucky to be where they were, making a difference by doing the thing that they loved.

And while many public-facing jobs have ever-changing and unexpected aspects to them, this year has forced a cataclysmic shift in what it means to serve.

Those who work to conserve the environment are being told their job is to let it be consumed by private industry. Those who innovate sustainable systems for food and energy are being told to revert to older ways of thinking. Those who protect the powerless from the powerful are being told to reverse course.

Not so gradually, professionals are being asked to abandon standards of professional responsibility, instead replacing them with pledges of servitude and blind loyalty.

Not so subtly, they are being told to stay quiet, be submissive, or get out of the way.

In light of this unavoidable clash of interests, Americans are compelled to rewrite those old job descriptions for themselves. They now read either, serve the public by furthering Trump’s agenda and going against scientific knowledge, fellow citizens, and/or personal beliefs, or stay where I am, do what I can to uphold the spirit of my former job within this f***ed up system, and get in the way of Trump’s takeover of our civic system, for as long as I can.

I am heartened to see, but not all too surprised to learn, that many career government employees are choosing the latter. They are staying in place, holding on to their positions without pay or promise of a future, so that Trump loyalists cannot take their place so easily. They are working with unions and filing lawsuits when wrongfully fired.

They see that Republicans are using them as “political pawns” in this government shutdown, and they support democratic leaders who are standing up for the democratic process and human rights.

I heard one federal employee say, “this isn’t what I signed up for, but right now, it is a way I can still serve the public.” And they didn’t feel like they were alone in that mindset.

I am forever grateful to these brave souls.

Right now, federal employees have this spotlight on them, and, as in so many circumstances, their example and expertise sets a precedent on how those of us in the state, local, and private sectors should respond to a national crisis. Because in some way, most of us are going to have to ask ourselves those same questions they are facing right now.

Will I comply? Will I lay low? Will I protect myself?

Will I speak out? Will I take a risk? Will I make it hard for fascism to take hold?

I hear stories from people who are being silenced in their roles as teachers, professors, university employees, and state and local government employees. In many cases, I hear people staying silent and unsure about what to do. The circumstance is not always as in-your-face as it is with our federal employees right now, and not all of us have such a clearly defined idea of our responsibility to serve the public.

But in a fascist takeover, I think we might all step up our responsibility to the greater good.

When I spoke to my dad the other day, he showed me his protest posters, explaining how he decided what to write on his. A few meaningful words on brightly painted poster board, the signs were rife with personal touches, even in their simplicity. I asked him if he had any fun preparing for these protests he now regularly shows up for. His face briefly grimaced, then folded into a kind of sadness.

“No, protesting is never fun,” he said.

And he didn’t need to say more, but I will.

My dad is a US Veteran. He and my mom worked their whole lives in 8-to-5’s, saving for my sister and I to go to school, to make sure we could have a strong future. They followed a path that took care of others and ensured they could retire and be secure in their later chapters.

Then Trump won a second term and started knocking down those hard-won earnings.

Now, my dad cares for my Trump-loyal, Medicaid-dependent grandma, searches for a home outside of the Republican-warped state where he’s lived his whole life, and spends free time protesting a totalitarian takeover in whatever ways he can find.

It’s not what he signed up for.

But right now, he is pushed to reconsider the definition of his roles and responsibilities. To find a new way forward.

We all are.

What does it mean to be a healthcare provider, a teacher, or a private business owner? What do we owe to those we serve?

What does it mean to be a parent, a friend, or a mentor? How do we show up for those we love?

What does it mean to be an American citizen?

We are sitting right on a turning point, fastly approaching the moment when we have to answer these questions overtly. Just like our federal employees are doing now. The decisions are not easy for any of us, but they have to be made. The actions that go with them are tough, but they have to be taken.

Wherever you land, I am grateful for the bravery that lies in your choice. I am hopeful for the way you show up and inspire others, and let others inspire you. And I wish you peace in the discord and discomfort of fighting for our free world.

With love and hope for the future,

Stephanie

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If you are comfortable sharing, how have you faced changing roles and responsibilities in your life under Trump?