She is the smallest creature, with her tiny “mew” and delicate little paws. She scampers across the room from lap to lap and cushion to perch. She purrs and licks and loves. Until one day, she stops. On this day, we notice a bump on her calico forehead, and she doesn’t eat or drink much of anything, and her meow is less of a greeting and more of an alarm.
She is so small, but she means so much. And there is nothing we can do.
And as she is sick in the hospital, as we reconcile that we are saying goodbye to our dear friend of 20 years, there are so many gigantic things going on around us.
There is heartbreaking news of wildfires, of deportations, of injustice, of widespread corruption and cruelty from the most powerful places in the world. There is uncertainty in our jobs, our safety, and our future. There is utter disappointment in the complete failure of our democracy. And, at least right now, there is nothing we can do.
Last week I had the great pleasure of talking to my friend, Andy. One reason I love Andy is that he cares so much. He cares about the world around him and is deeply concerned about injustice and about people not being safeguarded. In his local community, he throws himself into building, advising and supporting organizations that support people where their government doesn’t. He is devotedly there for friends and family and shows up in ways that many people wouldn’t even think to do.
So, when Andy and I spoke for the first time in three months, I am sure on some level, I expected for us both to be sitting in a bit of the same horrified numbness. But when I asked him how he was doing, he surprised me.
“You’re not going to believe this, but I’m doing really good,” he said.
He explained. In the time since we last talked, Andy had a dark encounter with a really scary health issue. On a personal level, it was scarier than the election outcome. As he awaited test results and had new prescriptions filled, he ran with this spark of an idea he had. He could control one thing: the care he personally gave himself and his body.
Everything. Every detail, every morsel, every sip, every thought. He soaked in health and positivity. He was present in each moment, and as he was in this mind frame, he found a personal connection to a very pressing local issue. Without a thought, he jumped into an activist role, getting the word out to his extensive network.
After 3 months of a dramatic lifestyle change, Andy told me that he is feeling more alive than he has in a long time. His health is improving, and he is spotting ways to be more connected to his world. He even started noticing the beauty of the sunrise again, for goodness sake.
Trying to put his revelation into adequate words, he said, “You can only fit so much into a five gallon bucket. I’d been filling mine with so many things that I can’t control. Do I like the guy sitting in the Oval Office? Hell no. Can I do anything to change it? Not a damn thing. Now I’m focusing on what I can control.”
His testimony brought up some tensions I have been wresting with in my own way. If we have this finite amount of space in our lives, and we care deeply about the world around us, what do we do right now? How do we live with meaning and make a difference when there is so much that seems to detract from that, or at least so many things that it feels like we should be doing something about because they are so wrong and disturbing.
As I sat with my little kitten on my lap, I stroked her fur and kissed her head. I remembered the day I met her, when she trotted over to my dad in the driveway and won us all over. I thought of the phases of our family’s life that she had witnessed, and I wondered what she thought of it all. I regretted time I hadn’t spent with her, and times when I was cross or not present.
In all of this, I felt waves of connection between us, and it was powerful. To me, this sweet, unassuming, 6 pound ball of fur was powerful. There was nothing more important, no grander place to be.
Sometimes, we get to do big things and they feel big, like we can control our destiny. We get to play in a championship game and score a goal, culminate a learning milestone with a graduation, defend a victim and find justice, or join a movement and elect a President we love. Like climbing to the top of a mountain.
Most of the time, I think we do little actions that go out into the world, and we have no idea what will come from them. We send a letter to our school board, prepare a salad straight from the garden, pick our nephew up from school, or listen closely to our mom talk about her day. Like sending dandelion seeds out on a breeze.
I think our mistake is that we devalue those little moments, thinking they don’t change our world every second. We miss opportunities waiting for our big break.
As unsatisfying as it may seem, our power right now is in our care for others and for ourselves. It’s how we show up in the world, how we are present, how we look for relationships and seek out connection with everything and everyone we touch. It is a very real thing we can do, and we can start right now.
With love and hope for the future,
Stephanie
I believe that personal stories are crucial for expanding our understanding of the world. If you are comfortable, please share about how you have found your own sense of control or power in the face of overwhelming uncertainty.
P.S. If you are able to adopt an animal, please do. They can enrich your life and demonstrate everyday how to walk this world with true grace and presence.
Andy is smart. Let’s be more like Andy.
We can contribute in many ways that don’t involve raging against the indefensible.
Contribute locally, volunteer. We can all be heroes.
https://open.substack.com/pub/albellenchia/p/everyday-heroes?r=7wk5d&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Stephanie, You asked “please share about how you have found your own sense of control or power in the face of overwhelming uncertainty.”.
I am a senior who worries about what kind of world I am bequeathing to my family. It has been very depressing realizing the limited impact and scope of my ability to affect the craziness we are living through right now.
Then it occurred to me that I need to declutter. Declutter my dependence on morning Joe show to be my source of truth. So I turned them off. And I quickly followed with all the rest of the junk news. Such a liberating feeling from such a small action. So I spend that time now meditating and thinking on the wonderful family I have. That in turn reenergizes me to be more in the moment with my wife, each of my kids and grandkids. Perhaps those little moments will mean something to them over time and strengthen them to make the world better.
Lastly real honest thought provoking interactions/news like this one hosted by Stephanie and other fearless folks have already filled my bucket with the realization that we need to lock arms like other defining moments in our country’s history and show that fearlessness. That perhaps is control.
Thanks to you all.